Wenn Engel hassen ... (If Angels hate ...)
by Kabuki
Summary: Aya centred songfic. Reflections of Youji and him about a mission. Describes some violent actions en detail. Yaoi


I listened to the song and had the idea for this story. It's the first one I puplish anywere. Please excuse mistakes I made.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Weißkreuz and I have no rights for the song ‚Wenn Engel hassen' by Subway to Sally.  
  
If you want to sue me – gomen, but my comiccollection is the most expensiv thing I posses  
  
Oh, the rating is due to the use of ‚bad' language and violence. Not because it's about two men in love °-° (Youji x Aya)  
  
And it contains a lot of violence and angst (and ... ehm ... some major spoilers)  
  
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Wenn Engel hassen ....  
  
//Als er aufstand an dem Morgen, der sein letzter war  
  
schien die Sonne und die Vögel kreischten laut  
  
(When he got up at the morning, that was his last  
  
the Sun shined and the birds screamed loud)//  
  
  
  
It's like always - gear up, get into the car, drive ... I'm driving - Omi and Ken are the oppinion it's safer this way. They don't want to die on the way to a mission. And sweetheart, hate to addmit it but you drive like hell.  
  
You sit right next to me. Your face stonecold. Nothing unusual for you, Aya. What do you think right now? Do you realize, that the sun shines? It's a beautiful day, you know. We should go in the park and get some icecream after we did our job, maybe we can drive to Mt. Fuji, just sit around, watch the birds fly and look at the sea. Or maybe we just should go back to bed.  
  
I take the way over the Tokyo Bridge and underneath us the water is sparkling. What a nice day in April.  
  
Nobody, who sees us will get the idea that we are four assassins on the way to kill some people. Like I said - the sun shines. The few dark clouds at the horizon do not matter.  
  
  
  
//Eine Woge des Verlangens stürzte über ihn  
  
und klebriger Tau bedeckte die Haut  
  
(A wave of desire swept over him  
  
and sticky dew covered the skin)//  
  
We drive over the bridge and I can see the water underneath. Sun and death do not match. You drive, it's safer this way. Me and my thoughts are somewhere else. Not with the morning traffic. Do you want to know, where they are? They are still with you, Youji. I remember the moment I woke up, wrapped in your slender arms. Maybe this was the last morning that I woke up like this. I remember the way we made love. Maybe for the last time. I remember the promise you gave me - to do it again, when we come back home. You laughed and I left you to take a shower - I called you "Baka". You know how I mean it. I can't say "I love you".  
  
At the horizon the sky is darker. It seems to rain over there. Rain and death are a better couple, don't you think.  
  
I'm going to die, my love.  
  
I die every time, I take lives.  
  
Soon I'm dead ... once more.  
  
  
  
//Durch den aderblauen Himmel ging ein breiter Riß  
  
dunkle Wasser brachen auf ihn herein  
  
(Trough the 'vein'-blue sky went a wide rift  
  
dark waters broke over him)//  
  
  
  
Fuck, it started to rain. Why do we had to leave Tokyo? Sometimes I like the sun. We reach our destination. It's an easy task for Omi to break trough the security meassures they installed. Nobody registers our intrusion. We are silent, trained. How often did we do this kind of stuff? I stopped counting. Ken and Omi are ahead of us . I watch you walk beside me. You are concentreated. Your wonderfull eyes - this violet ones - glare aound. What do you see with these eyes?  
  
Somebody must have had a really good day, when he decided to give you eyes like amethyst. Even when you give us one of the gazes you are so famous for, your eyes are breathtaking. Maybe that's the reason why I love to have arguments with you. So I can see into your eyes.  
  
Eyes are the mirror of the soul. Some people who looked into your eyes, believe that you have no soul. Do you know that? They must be blind. I can't be the only one, seeing all the things in your eyes - all the pain, the self-doubtness ... the love.  
  
You talk with your eyes and I learned to understand it.  
  
We exchange short views. Enough for me.  
  
When we get home, I want to get lost in your eyes.  
  
  
  
//Eine unbekannte Macht erhob sich tief in ihm  
  
und mit einem Mal war ihm alles klar,  
  
dass nichts mehr so wie gestern war  
  
(A unknown force rised deep at him  
  
and suddenly for him everything was clear  
  
that nothing was like yesterday)//  
  
I meet your jade green eyes. Your look is comforting me - you are at my side. It was not all the time like this. I let you stay there, you know that? Because I want you, I need you there. Not long ago, I prefered to be on my own. I had to carry my sins alone. Then you broke trough my defenses. You did it with a smile. You torned everything apart, you shattered my world - with a smile on your lips.  
  
I had no chance.  
  
Why, Youji? Why did you do it? I had already told someone that I am not a person who has the right to recieve love. Not from her and not from you.  
  
You just laughed and kissed me - and everything changed.  
  
A little part of me can still love someone else, you showed me that. Said you are happy to know that. Said you are glad that you are the one who occupies this part completly. Said it's okay for you to share me with another person that's always on my mind.  
  
It was a lie -that's something I know.  
  
It does not matter.  
  
  
  
//Wenn Engel hassen  
  
stürzen sie wie Steine aus dem Himmelszelt  
  
(If angels hate,  
  
they fall like stones from the canopy heaven)//  
  
  
  
You change. It's just a slight diffrence but I realize it, I walk right next to you. You wrap up again in your walls of ice. It's your way to protect yourself, it's oky with me at this moment. But dare you ... if these walls still exist when we have left this place, I'll crush them. You got me?  
  
This man at my side is not the man I love. He is cold, not a hint of emotion on his face - still the face of an angel. I'm not the lover for him either. He gives me an order, I have to obtain. He is the leader of our team. We have buisness to do. We are killers.  
  
Death is the opposite of life and life means love ...  
  
I open the door, peer into an empty room. Look back at him, shake my head.  
  
He goes on.  
  
He reminds me of an angel fallen from grace, lost in this world.  
  
  
  
//Wenn Engel hassen,  
  
fliegen sie wie dunkle Vögel in die Welt  
  
(If angels hate,  
  
they fly like dark birds into this world)//  
  
  
  
This is a mission - I will take lives because I have to.  
  
I am afraid. Not for me. It's you, I fear for. I am not ready to lose you, you know that? I have to forget (at least for the moment) that you are my friend, my lover. Do you understand it?  
  
If I can't forget it, I can't do the work I have to do. And this would be dangerous. Not only for you - also for Ken and Omi.  
  
So I search refugee in my own. Hate and Revenge are going to protect me, like always.  
  
I'm sorry, Youji  
  
I prepare to die  
  
  
  
//Wenn Engel hassen,  
  
landen sie als schwarzer Schatten der uns quält  
  
und nehmen Rache  
  
an den Menschen, die gefallen sind wie sie  
  
(If angels hate,  
  
they land as black shadow who tortures us  
  
and take revenge  
  
on the people, who had fallen just like them)//  
  
  
  
Once he told me what life ment for him. He just goes on, he said. Every day, every minute. He had lost track of time long ago, he said. Time does not matter to him anymore.  
  
When his sister was in coma, he lived only for the revenge of her. Personally I can't call this life.  
  
After he got what he desired, we all hoped, he would change. He didn't.  
  
He didn't knew how.  
  
And so he's still full of hate, shattered dreams and the need for revenge. Revenge on the world which destroyed his self. I truely believe that he was a cheerish boy - yes I do. He must have loved life. It's the only explaination why he hates it so much now.  
  
I can take a glimpse on the other side of him- every night when I hold him in my arms.  
  
Please Aya, come back. Don't get lost behind the walls. There is nothing except ice and darkness, you know.  
  
I love you, I need you.  
  
I hate him.  
  
  
  
//Als er aufbrach, ließ er alles hinter sich zurück,  
  
seine Schritte waren federleicht und frei  
  
(When he set off, he left everything behind  
  
his steps were light as a feather and free)//  
  
  
  
I glare around. The plan seems to work out fine. I hear Kens voice in my ear. He's speaking calmly, telling me that he has spotted the targets. Omis affirmation followes soon afterwards. The boy locked the doors already.  
  
Now the dance beginns. Nothing else counts. I'll take their lives.  
  
Maybe they are inoccent. For sure they are not involved in the events that finally means death for them.  
  
It does not matter. They will leave this world anyways.  
  
Right now I focus all my hate on them. I will die with them.  
  
So that live can go on.  
  
Youji is in my back. I can feel him, smell the scent of cigarettes around him.  
  
At this point it doesn't bother me.  
  
  
  
//Unterm Mantel trug er einen kalten schwarzen Stahl,  
  
er lächelte leis und summte dabei  
  
(Under the coat he carried a cold black steel  
  
he smiled quietly and hummed along)//  
  
  
  
He tightends his grip around the katana. In this goddamn piece of metal his soul is trapped. It is as much part of him like I am. If he had to decide between me and the sword, I am not sure what he would pick.  
  
(Aya, I know that and I still love you. I love you so much, that I can share you with a girl and a sword. I have to be insane!)  
  
The black blade is sheathed. He smiles when he does that. I don't think he realizes it, but it happens all the time. We never told him. Are we so fucked up? So caught up in our egos that we do not tell him? The three of us - Ken, Omi and me, just love to see him smile. We are afraid to lose this rare moment if we say anything about it.  
  
I watch him. Even if I hate him - the one that has taken my Aya away.  
  
He is an smiling angel, ready to lead us into the apocalypse.  
  
The shadows are dancing on his pale skin, I adore so much. (You are so gorgeous for me when I can see your skin uncovered. You know that you are art inyourself, my lover? White and red, sounds familiar - right? Not that I care much about the ideals of our culture ... you know I go more for the western stuff. You tease me all the time with my fascination for the old US- Movies - the black and white ones. Maybe we should watch 'The Maltese Falcon' tonight and after that 'The seven Samurais'. Then I can show you the similaritys between those two, you ignorant bastard ...)  
  
I have to get myself straight. I'm drifting of again.  
  
  
  
//Seine Hand brachte sieben Menschen einen schnellen Tod,  
  
bis ihn selbst eine Kugel niederwarf.  
  
(His hands carried for seven men a quick death,  
  
until he got hit by a bullet *)//  
  
  
  
We reach our targets. Omi and Ken are ready to attack, but Youji has to fumble with his wire. He got distracted ... I have no idea why. I shout at the younger boys. We are in the place to make the first move. We are the ones who act. Our targets have to react. This diffrence makes the desicion about life and death. Omi's first arrow hits. Point Blank. Brain spills out on the floor. Ken jumps beside me. We have two targets in front of us. My sword has the longer range. The cold steal meets warm flesh. I hear the cracking bones, draw my blade out of the dying man, twist it around. He screams in agony but soon he'll be quite forever.  
  
The sharp edge finds it's next victim, cuts trough the man's body. His intestitines crawl out of him like they were some strange alien from another galaxy. I ignore the smell. Where the fuck's Youji?  
  
A man screams hysterically. Then Ken's barnuckels cut his throat.  
  
Behind Ken one of the targets tries to get his gun. I jump at him, hitting him at the head. His blood spills over my coat. It's unimportant.  
  
I turn around, trying to get an impression on the situation. Most of our targets are dead. Again my katana hits a man. It's merely a reflex. One more sin, I condemn. Father in heaven ... fuck you!  
  
It torns me apart. The hate I feel inside. Hate for everything. But with every man who dies pieces of the hate die. I die!  
  
Please help me!  
  
They run after him. This time our blonde playboy is in real trouble.  
  
Omi isn't in the right position to get a clear shot, Ken is still fighting his own opponent.  
  
I run towards Youji.  
  
Fuck, they got the guns out. Youji is fast, but by no means bulletproofed. They'll kill him.  
  
No! Not him. Not my Youji.  
  
"Dodge!" I scream - is it really my voice? Do I sound so cold, so used to give orders? At least Youji follows them, throws himself to the ground.  
  
And I finally understand: You trust me ...  
  
I run as fast as I can. I can hit one of the man, before he shots at you. The other changes his target. Sorry, but I seem to be more dangerous then you my love. It will save your life.  
  
Steel and bullet find their destination at the same time. I feel the pain in my left arm. Like the itch of a bee. Shock, Omi will tell me later when the real pain comes.  
  
I twist the blade around, torn it up the stomach. Still I have enough power in both arms to do so. I do it for you, you know. Sick and confusing, isn't it?  
  
The only way I can express my feelings.  
  
And now I feel the pain...  
  
  
  
//Wer ihn kannte, sagte daß es seltsam war,  
  
denn glücklicher hatte man ihn nie gesehen.  
  
Der Glanz eines Engels war auf ihm zu sehen.  
  
(Who got to know him, said it was strange,  
  
since happier he wasn't seen before.  
  
On him the shine of an angel was seen)//  
  
  
  
Aya!  
  
Fuck don't do this to me. Not for me. They have GUNS! You remember the one rule: Be quick or be dead! It was my fault. Don't you get it?  
  
He runs towards me. Screams: "Dodge!"  
  
I do so, way to used to follow his stupid orders when we're on a mission - on one hand. On the other - I have seen the look in your eyes. You are back, my love. You think you can handle them ... allright. Feel free. Can't stop you anyways, can I?  
  
And hey? What was that? Can I rewinde my life? Just this tiny pice. The few seconds you needed to pass me by. There was a smile on your lips, I'm sure.  
  
The time I need to turn around, you need to kill the first one.  
  
Beauty in violence - it scares the shit out of me, when I see it. But it is true. You are beautiful when you hunt down your prey.  
  
I know that you got hit, the time I hear the shot.  
  
One of this moments when life goes into slow-motion. Your sword goes through his stomach. I see the edge stabbing trough his back. I hear the nasty noises, when you twist it around. Blood runs down the blade, dropps on your hands, colors them red. How much power do you need to lift your arms, to cut from the stomach to the throat?  
  
Maybe I don't want to know.  
  
Then you break down. I see you falling on your knees. Your breath is sharp, the pain written in your eyes - the eyes I would give the world for.  
  
And their is something else. Something so unexpected, so strange I have to look at you twice to believe what I see.  
  
You smile. You smile at me. It is nearly trancendental, the smile of yours. For some seconds we are not part of this fucked up reality. It's just you, me and your smile.  
  
The smile of a fallen angel.  
  
  
  
//Wenn Engel hassen ...  
  
(If angels hate ...)//  
  
  
  
This time I survived.  
  
I smile.  
  
___________  
  
* it's a real crappy translation, but I didn't figured out a better one  
  
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Hmm, done ... with my cigarettes and my nerves. Maybe it's a little bit too cheesy. But I just felt like writting the fic this way  
  
By the way: The song can be find at the CD ‚Herzblut'. It's really, really good. Bows at Subway to Sally.  
  
Give me reviews, please ^-^ *sweatdrop*  
  
Kabuki@wurzelshakra.de 


End file.
